I'm so sorry blog, I've been a horrible blog Mommy and I know you're probably mad at me. But real life got in the way, so you'll have to understand.

 I am trying my hand at pattern writing today, and given that this is my very first time trying to make what I made with my hands into words and directions that anyone else will understand I'm nervous. I rarely use patterns, and tend to free-style more than anything else when I work so this is new.


Ok so here we go!!!!

START:
This pattern is for a 2T size, as it's the only size I made when I started this. I'll add alternate sizes as I go, and have time to work them up and get counts! And after round 3 I didn't count, and since I'm writing it from memory I don't have st counts. If you want to help me and count as you work you can be listed as a contributor when I release the pattern for sale on Etsy and other sites.


****Cluster stitch is used, which I will detail how to do and include links to OTHER PEOPLE'S TUTORIALS at the end of this. I can only post what I used to learn the stitch and in no way take credit for her work.

Create a magic circle and chain two. You will NOT count these as a stitch as we continue. Pattern is worked in the round and we will not be joining in between rounds. Just work it in a complete circle.

Round One: HDC 10 times in magic ring. DO NOT JOIN. 10 HDC

Round Two: 2 HDC in each HDC - 20 HDC

Round 3- 1 HDC in first st. 2HDC in next stitch. Continue this all the way around for a total of 30 st. Mark your last stitch with stitch marker.

Round 4- 1 HDC in next two st. 2 HDC in the next stitch. Continue this until the end of your round.

Round 5- 1 HDC in next three st. 2 HDC in the next stitch. Continue this until the end of your round.

Round 6- Cluster stitch in the first HDC and chain one. Sk next stitch. Cluster, chain one and sk stitch next to that. Continue around.

Round 7-12 Repeat Round six a total of 6 times, alternating colors every round.

Round 13- sc in every st. around

Round 14- sc in alternating color in every st around. Finish off and weave in ends!

Now, sit back and admire your handi-work!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWuabsIZh_w

This is a link to a video tutorial to how to complete a cluster stitch, although in this hat I used a cluster of 3 insead of 2 DC, which is worked the same way but instead of pulling through all the hooks after two DC you make one more and pull through 4 loops on your hook instead of 3. I hope that makes sense to you!

Gosh it feels like forever...

Things have been on and off crazy. For a while there I did nothing, blessed absolute laziness. Then the real world called, they wanted my ass back! Then, reality came knocking on the door and told me I had a VERY limited amount of time to get my things together and just go....so now, the growing up begins. I'm gainfully employed now, technically by two separate entities, though I'll only be full time at one. I'm finally moving, although not to where I wanted to, but the truth is I'm OUT OF HERE and almost free of the pit of despair that is living in subsidized housing.

  The things they say about living in a place like this are true, its awful. You get sucked into this self perpetuating cycle, which is hard to break. This is especially true of someone like myself, who still really isn't sure how to make it in the "real" world. All I know is that sometimes you have to hit bottom to truly learn your lessons and appreciate your life, and I know I'm seeing that first hand. All I can hope for is that in three or four months life is different, and not entirely miserable. I know these next few weeks are going to be HARD. I say this for many reasons, all of them valid, but I'm ready to get this over with. I guess that is one positive thing that can be said of me....I don't put off the inevitable, all the time.

I made a whole lot of cupcakes!

We embark on an epic mission. As many cupcakes as can be made within a short time frame. I managed 6 dozen in 3 hours. How? I'm super human, that's how.

 Dance Break! We all need one. The fun part of it is that we were dancing to Punk Goes Crunk.

 This tree is so distracting!

 Angry minion woken from nap. Obviously, angry.

 A rainbow baby making rainbow "cuppycakes"

 My NICu baby making NICU cupcakes!

 We were impressed. What started out as "Yeah, lick your elbow" turned into hysterical fits of laughter.

This one just makes me so happy

I know I know (Giveaway)

I know I've been super duper lax about posting, but I've been INSANE busy here. I've started getting enough orders to keep me busy every night, and then some! I'm turning out tutus like hot cakes and now making hats and other photography props for babes and kids! I'm so excited to be doing something I really enjoy. I'm also in school too, so that's eating up a considerable chunk of time.

 Now, for YOUR assignment tonight, I want you to check out this giveaway (Oh, and both lovely places involved as well). I have been a big big fan of Banner Boutique for quite a while now, and Chrissie Marie Photography has some amazing photos, although we know I"m a total sucker for cutesey newborn pics! So check out this link, and support some of these hard working women!

http://www.chrissiemariephotography.com/blog/minneapolis-childrens-photographer/chrissie-marie-photography-banner-boutique-giveaway/

No news is good news?

 I guess that's how I'm operating these days. I've been so overwhelmed it's absurd, and I feel like it's never going to get better. I can't find time to do anything around here, at all. I'm never home, because if were not going to some appointment, I'm trying to stay away from this apartment. It's so out of control here, just messy. I can keep up with the bare minimum, which is keeping it sanitary and not dangerous, but apart from that...it's a wreck.

 I make tutus now. That enterprise has completely taken over my poor living room. There are tutus everywhere, and the various things needed to make them! I have to get the finished ones out of here, but I want to get 2 more made so I can take 5 to sell. Then I have 2 custom ones that need made, I'm going to do that tonight.

 In Girl news, she apparently does NOT have reflux and is just colicky. I call shenanigans, this doctor is an asshat. When she was in the hospital for 5 whole days, the doctors didn't think she was colicky. He told me to take her off of all of her meds and try nursing her more. NO thanks, I"m going to do what is right for my child, and not what you think I should after looking at her for all of 5 minutes and not listening to a word I say. I've decided that if her reflux isn't drastically improved by 3 months (which is when most kids typically see a big improvement) I'm taking her to a different Ped. GI specialist. More than anything I just wish she'd wake up and be over it. She could go back to nursing, instead of having thickened bottles...no more crying, no more pain. Just my happy baby back!

 I think the pumping constantly is the reason I'm so overwhelmed. It feels like all I'm doing any more is pumping, making a bottle, feeding, propping her up and starting all over again. I have zero time for anything else, and it shows. My Boy is still in "I hate you for abandoning me" mode....my house is trashed, I'm depressed about not being able to do everything, and I'm still wondering how in the HELL everyone else gets it done! There's not  enough of me to go around!

 Ok, enough of that, some pictures!


 

The Catalyst

 My Baby Girl is my personal catalyst. She's my life changer. With The Boy, and his various needs, it was so easy to slip back into what I was doing before. NOTHING. Now, now it's time for a change, I'm finally motivated. I'm going to get my gym membership tomorrow or Saturday morning, haven't decided. I'm looking into schools as we speak, and I have a end date in sight for registering. I can't put The Girl in day care because of her med schedule and the apnea monitor, so it's online schooling for my Gen-Ed courses, then a transfer to a phsyical university afterwards. I'm scared. It's something that needs done though. I want to set a good example for these kids. I quit smoking, so that they wouldn't grow up seeing that and assuming it's just ok. It's not, it's disgusting, and I"m glad to be done with it, even though I do miss it. I suppose I will forever, but that's alright. I know I've made it this long, so why waste that time and effort?

 The Girl has been doing better this last week. I decided to take her OFF the one med to see how she reacted, because it doesn't seem to do much. Well, I was right, she doesn't need it, as far as I can tell. But this amazing thing happened when I decided to d/c it. SHE WOKE UP. It was awesome. For the first time in 5 weeks she is alert, responsive, eyes open, happy content little baby. Don't get me wrong, a tired baby is pretty easy to deal with, but I wanted to see her personality, who she is. Now, I'm seeing it. It demands constant entertainment when she's awake!!! But I don't mind. I have a Fauxby wrap that I made the other night, and we just do everything together. Fine by me. She's starting to interact with her surroundings, batting at things, and being AMAZED when they make noise or do something. She's trying to talk to me, and trying to smile. I got one little squeaker of a smile yesterday. No, scratch that. The MIRROR did! Rotten child.

Oh dear, it's been too long.

So it has been quite a while, and to the very few people who read this, you know why. It's been an incredibly busy few weeks.

 I'll start at the beginning, day of poor Baby Girl's life. Since she was born, she's had a "puking" issue, but they nurses just chalked it up to being born so fat, she must have a lot of fluid in her still. She was throwing up almost every feed, and was always hungry. Knowing what I do about newborns I knew I didn't have to give her formula, so I just kept nursing, as it was going to do nothing but tell my brain to get on the ball about milk production. She was an incredibly sleepy baby, and looking back I know why, because she was so damn hungry all the time, she just had no energy to wake up and tell me! I am still feeling horribly guilty about not setting a schedule, and letting her go 3 or so hours without a feed, she really did need more than that but I selfishly used that time to sleep, and sleep some more.

 Back on topic....the throwing up continues, and I tell her pediatrician (Dr. Cute Ass) about it, and knowing me for the last 5 years (he's my Dr. as well) he trusted my instinct and gave us an Rx for reflux meds, albeit very weak ones. He told me to fill it and put it away in the case of an emergency. I hadn't slept *real sleep* since that day she was born, because as soon as I sat her down she would toss her figurative cookies. I was too afraid to sleep, so she ended up in bed with me, on a Boppy, with me staring at her. I was scared to feed her! She would choke and turn blue, randomly, but mostly during a feed. I was NOT ok with this.

 I took her back to the doctor, he ordered an X-Ray to make sure that she wasn't aspirating, and an Upper GI study. The X-ray was good, the Upper GI took forever to get scheduled. The Monday before she was due for her study, she had her worst choking/gagging/turning blue episode yet. It lasted almost 15 seconds from start to finish and took a lot from me to get her "back" to breathing. I made up my mind that tonight we'd just head to ER and see what they have to say. I waited for The Boy's nurse to get there so I didn't have both kids, and I could focus on just her, and getting my point across. Luckily when she had these episodes they don't happen again for while. It wasn't like I was putting her down any way.

 I walked into Children's expecting to hear "It's reflux, all babies go through this, you just need to wait it out." To my GREAT surprise they took me very seriously and had her admitted within 3 hours, which is pretty fast for our hossy! So then we started on the process of elimination. We had an excellent Pediatric GI on service who took care of her pretty well, and also agreed 100% on what was going on. All said and done, she stayed 5 days. She "failed" the GI study miserably, the minute the barium hit her stomach it just came right back up and she kept swallowing it. Her swallow study went great, and her swallow/suck/breathe pattern is perfect, not aspirating during a feed. That was good news.

 When it was all said and done she was not allowed to nurse, I had to pump and thicken the bottles, which I'm not a fan of, but I'll be damned if she gets formula. That seemed to help after a few days, and she's at least not as fussy after a bottle as she is after she's eaten straight breast milk. She also was put on a new med to help empty her stomach faster, in combination with MORE reflux medicine. I'm not 100% happy with the Zantac and believe she needs to be on a PPI as opposed to the equivelent of Tums! But oh well, I'll talk to the Ped. GI specialist we'll be seeing soon.

 As of one week post hospital she's slowly being weaned back on to breastfeeding. She's gotten lazy with her latch since going to nothing but bottles. She doesn't want to open  her mouth all the way, so we're working on it. She really does want me for comfort, which we've been doing since she was admitted. I just pump, and she nurses after, so she's not getting much milk at all. This has kept both of us sane. I was really depressed about not being able to just nurse her initially, but now that were getting back to it, and I have figured out a routine, it's ok. It's so much harder this way, but at least she's a little more comfortable.

 Another thing we learned while in the hospital was that she has obstructive apnea episodes, which are scary. The reflux is so severe it's actually blocking her airway, which causes the muscles to spasm and keep her airway shut, causing her to go small periods with no airway. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does it's Defcon 5 panic time for me. Normally just blowing in her face really hard and quickly works to get her brain to "hard reset" and allow her to breathe again. Once in a while she'll just forget how to breathe, which is harder to get her to come out of. Even with the monitor screaming, me thumping her and moving her around doesn't work, and she just has to come out of it on her own, apparently.

 As of today, she is getting her meds 6 times a day, and eating MOSTLY bottles with thickened Mom Milk in them. She's on an apnea monitor around the clock, which keeps me sane. I know now that if something happens (which it would anyway) I'll know about it right away, and I can fix it! I'm sleeping now, she's in her own bed, and were a bit happier!