Sunday, July 4, 2010

I'm such a slacker

  I was doing SO well with updating this at least every other day, now I've dropped the ball. No excuses, I'm just kind of lazy. My monitor is a big B-I-T-C-H and takes forever to power on when the computer has been turned off, so that's a big deterrent on me even getting on! AND it was my birthday on Friday, and 4th of July weekend, so it was just kind of a busy few days. I had an AWESOME 23rd birthday, and wouldn't have changed it. Totally relaxed, calm, and there was ice cream cake. Granted, I had to buy it myself, but there was cake, damnit. And the weather has been tolerable, so I've been trying to get The Boy out and about as much as possible, because I know I'll revert to sucky, lazy Mom after The Girl is here. I know, it's normal, but I'll still feel guilty as all hell.

  Speaking of guilt, I've been feeling a lot of that lately, and it just keeps getting worse. I feel guilt over taking away my undivided affection for The Boy. For bringing this new strange person home with me who requires so much. For taking the attention he's so used to having. Given his numerous health needs over the course of his 4 years on Earth, he's VERY accustomed to things being done a certain way. That certain way revolves entirely around him, 24/7. Well, kiss that goodbye sucker, because it's not about you any more. That kills me, I hate hate hate hate hate it! It's not fair that in order to get this new little person here I have to take so much from him. Now I don't have spare $ to go out on a whim and do fun things with him. Nor do I have the time/energy/stamina to do much of anything at all. I'm lucky as all get out to feel great at this point in my pregnancy, but I still know that it is affecting how I am functioning. I can't do quite as much as I could before, and I don't like that. I was very much ok with it just being Me and My Boy for the rest of our was comfortable. Now that's all gone out the window. I know I'll adjust and be fine in the end, and when she does show up, it'll be like she was always here. But part of me will always remember these last 4 years, when it was just me and him, and it was fun.

Now for pictures of my weekend:

My best friend, her DH and their August '09 Baby Girl.

The Boy and the friend's older DD

32 weeks and 23 years old!

And then me, being such a sexy bitch at our Rib Burn Off downtown.

The cake I bought myself!

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