My boobs

 Started working this past week. I'm really really not happy about this. I'd hoped for AT LEAST 4 more weeks of milk free bliss before this baby. Not.Going.To.Happen. Nuh-uh no way. Now not only am I depressed about giving birth and never sleeping again, my boobs aren't even mine (not like I need them, or anyone else for that matter). It's just a "final straw" situation. The one thing that happened on top of all else that made me cry like a b**ch for 3 hours. Which only made the pain and itchy leaky feeling worse. Yeah, so while grateful for having fountainous breasts and no trouble in the supply department, I'm a little sad. I officially only had a 1 year reprieve of NO breastmilk. "Overachievers" is what my doctor labeled them. Joy.

 Ok, I'm through whining. I really feel as if I shouldn't, but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to. It's been a really long rough week, and I'm not sure I even want to open the blinds or go outside this week, for fear of it repeating. Yes, I'm afraid of having a Groundhog's Day.

 Yesterday was Gram's 65th birthday, and all in all, for having spent the entire day at my mother's house, it wasn't so bad. Normally it's only an hour or two before Mother gets so high strung and anxious that I'm ready to explode with frustration. No one yelled yesterday (not counting kids). That's an event. I got some pictures, and not much else to add right now. My brain is foggy due to the distinct lack of egg salad and bread in my kitchen.

 We played baseball:

 I tried to get a few shots of The Niece. Didn't work out too well. The brat will let her mother take pictures ALL day, and will ham it up. I try, NO GO!

 There were Brats to be had (which I LOVE). One of my big cravings has been for Miracle Whip and Mustard (on anything) so these are right up my alley. I took a picture because I'm fat and love food to an inappropriate level.

And this is what happens when I get caught taking a picture of the food. Folks, meet my family....







And now folks, 29 week bare pasty white belly shots, if you're one of my friends who has NO desire to see them, now would be the time to tune out. I feel even more adamant about taking a picture every week, change or no, in homage to those of you who still desperately wish they were taking them too.

Those boobs are large and in charge....and leaking.

So for spilling my guts

 This is what this is for. My original intentions being to make a place where I can secretly go to rant and rave and not worry about people reading it. That won't happen. I suck at secrets. SUCK.AT.THEM. But this is my place to go and say everything I think. I don't need reassurance or condolences or pity, or ANYTHING. I need a place to be. I'm stuck inside of my head all the time, and it never ends well. I have no one I can really talk to about it. I'm fine with that, I'm not really a "sharer" anywhoo. I don't feel right boo-hooing to someone about all of my awful problems. There are so many people out there who would kill to be in my position, or some semblance of it. There are tons of people out there who are so much worse off than I am, and all I do is complain. The truth of the matter is that those facts do not help me when I feel helpless. I feel swamped, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's my fault I'm in this position, and no one else's.

 I am NOT ready for this baby. I never will be. I thought about it a bit in the car on a trip to the library, and I think I mostly just resent the change. I don't like having to share my home with another person. I don't like having to share my bedroom with her! Her bed is huge and takes up so much room, I feel like I just gave up my only sanctuary. It's completely selfish and unreasonable, but it doesn't mean I don't feel it. Now The Boy has to share me, which I can't stand. It's been just him and me for so long now, that to change it feels rude and uncalled for. Even when I would date and have a steady boyfriend, they didn't come between us, I always had plenty of one on one time with him. That's about to all go out the window. I have this feeling he's going to do horribly with this adjustment. He's 100% a Mama's Boy and really probably won't like The Girl at all. But that's life. It changes. I hate change.

 I took The Boy to the library today, and he cavorted about the place as if it were a magical wonderland. For a 4 year old with an over active imagination I bet it is. Too bad it was so close to closing time, because we'd have stayed a while. It's friggin hot here. My a/c really helps with the humidity and makes it bearable in here, but only in the living room. Poor kid, were all crammed on top of each other here. Back to the library, and what I found so funny. We made a beeline for the movies, as The Boy has no patience to spare for story time, and won't sit still for a book. What movie does he pick out? How The Grinch Stole Christmas. He just LOVES Christmas, because, "It's just like my birthday Mama." I love this Boy. He's pretty amazing.

"I'll say cheese real big Mama"

"I need to hold them with my neck"

The tray of red raspberry Rice Crispie Treats I made today, they're delicious thank you for asking. I ate them all.